It happens around us.
Most guys want to stop it.
Most guys would never hurt anyone. But assault, image-sharing and "just a joke" happen in our circles, at our parties, in our group chats. The gap isn't character. It's silence, and not knowing what to say in the ten seconds that matter.
How big it is
college students say they've experienced nonconsensual sexual contact, by force or while unable to consent, since enrolling.
undergraduate women, and about 1 in 15 undergraduate men. It happens to anyone.
victims knew the person who assaulted them. It's rarely a stranger. It's someone in the circle.
of assaults against female college students are never reported to police. Most people carry it alone.
of nonconsensual penetration incidents against male students happened after the victim had been drinking. Nights out are where it goes wrong, and where friends can step in.
young people have forwarded a sext without the sender's consent. Nobody's yours to share.
Why it keeps happening
undergraduate men have seen a situation they believed could lead to a sexual assault. We're in the room.
students who saw it did nothing because they weren't sure what to do. Not because they didn't care.
Most men are uncomfortable with degrading talk and willing to step in, but assume the other guys aren't. So everybody stays quiet.
US men aged 15 to 34 felt lonely a lot of the previous day, more than young men almost anywhere in the developed world. Guys without a circle don't get backup, and don't give it.
Speaking up works.
less sexual violence perpetration in schools where students were trained to step in, in a five-year randomized trial.
of students who saw a risky situation took direct action. The instinct is there. The Standard gives it words.
That's the whole idea. Five rules, one pledge, and the first reply when it counts. Thirty awkward seconds beats a lifetime of wishing you'd said something.